Driving Cards, Christmas Present to Girlfriends Past

December 12, 2011 |  

This project requires a bit of an explanation: My father has the worst sense of humor. Well, he’s a father, so that’s to be expected. His humor is compounded in the car (he’s old enough to have caught the tail end of the greaser style), so when I’m driving he always has a few stock critiques of my driving. In high school, his favorite was, “Hey, you want me to write you an invitation to go?” if I ever hesitated to turn onto a road from a stop sign.

In high school, I was riding shotgun with my girlfriend, who also happened to be a horribly careful driver. I’m talking grandmother-with-a-walker safe. We were at a stop sign, and she hesitated to turn, kept hesitating, and I eventually got tired of it. Without saying a word, I opened the glove compartment, pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen, and start writing. My girlfriend, having ridden in the car with my dad knew exactly what I was doing.

“Are you writing me a damn invitation to turn?!”

Indeed I was. Now, more than a decade later, we’re still friends, and she still remembers that moment as a highlight out of all the times I pissed her off. This one’s for you Brenda, expect a nice set of these in the mail for Christmas.

turn the car

Park like an asshole

drive like grandma

pick a lane

Don't ride the break


  • http://www.jumpysteve.blogspot.com Beth

    Brilliant sir. This made my day.

  • http://www.twitter.com/taintedidealist Brenda

    I will cherish each moment to deploy the cards to friends, foes, and most likely family. I miss you pissing me off on a daily basis.

  • http://gautch.com Josh

    On the last card you used the wrong spelling of brake. Busting something is to “break”, the pedal in your car to stop it is “brake”.

    • http://www.noltedesign.com Drew

      Dammit! Well, at least I have a bunch of test-sheets to print on. I guess this is the peril of doing projects while drinking. If I get enough of these, I’ll put together a ‘blunders’ section.

  • Krisana

    Awesome. I, too, have noticed this in Brenda. I may need a set of these cards to flash in her direction :)

  • Danielle

    These are fantastic!

  • Andrew

    Loved these from the moment you first showed them to me!

  • Nicole

    His line was . . . “What are you waiting for? You want me to write an invitation?”

  • http://www.designerd.us JBertling

    I love these!
    If you ever print them for the public, give me a shout. I’d love a few :)

  • http://www.kendrickkidd.com kendrick

    I have a friend that would burn though a stack of these on the way to work every morning. Great stuff, man.

  • Ryan

    Awesome stuff, however the last card has a typo. “breaks” should be “brakes”

    I do that all the time, no biggie. I would fucking drop these cards at any given moment.

    Oh the trolling would be epic.

    • Ryan

      DERP…someone beat me to it. Carry on good sir!

  • http://www.reluctantstylista.com The Reluctant Stylista

    Hahaha I love these cards!  Except everyone would probably give them to me. =/